I appreciate the ability my uncomfortable feelings have of letting me know what I need to do for my Soul. My heart was aching each time one of my sons left for college. Matthew was on his way to Seattle, Washington. It was a difficult time for me. Write a poem about Matthew to express the depth of your despair I said to myself. Simple enough isn't it? I said, No that will hurt too much!
It was after the heavy chest pains and I was rushed to the hospital, machines hooked up and the doctor telling me what the procedure was in this situation that I thought maybe I need to write the poem. I did not need to be here having a heart attack. I decided to leave and the doctor was concerned that something could happen but I left anyway. We needed to get going. My husband and I had plans to go away for the weekend with friends. I didn't write the poem.
When we arrived at the hotel, sharing a room with the other couple, I became immobilized and laid under the covers. My voice could still be heard from under the blankets. The world was too much to face without Matthew. Finally I was convinced to have dinner in the restaurant but before long I lost my voice. Write the poem I heard again. I said, No that will hurt too much!
We came back to the room and in the darkness of the night the voice got louder! With no peace I went to the one room I could turn on the light-the bathroom. And there I sat in the quiet of the night putting every feeling I had on paper. After hours I emerged from my space with the poem of my Soul complete. I headed to the grocery store, entering through the automatic doors and surprisingly heard the song that was my song for Matthew. I bought twenty five boxes of macaroni and cheese that would be packaged and sent to him. My heart was making peace with the changes in my life.
Those twenty years of committed love were but a foot print on my Soul. I did what would let me release my son and my voice returned! I needed to close this part of my life before I could experience fully anything else. So I did!
MATTHEW-MY SON
When you left three weeks ago,
I wanted to put this pen in my hand
But I didn't. It was good you were gone.
The close of the door between us had
already happened.
But I was wrong. You still lived in that space
With the sound of your music echoing in the
emptiness of my heart.
The first night you left, I thought someone
was breathing in your room.
You were home.
Even though I knew it wasn't so,
I walked the stairs upward.
opened the door hoping.
But all that was left were the remnants of you
having been
Walking gently through the emptiness of my
heart.
Whatever we gave, you received.
Hands open-trusting that you were where you
belonged.
I hear the faithfulness of your spirit and the
dancing of your soul.
The quiet strength of your life vibrating through
my life.
You have brought me joy these words cannot
express.
And oh, how I love you!
The program Voices in a Box is a "kindness awareness" presentation with specific tools for use in the classroom as well as adult wellness classes. It is an AODA approved program in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. The program supports people of all ages to find peace.
The Shalom House is "A Quiet Place to Be" for individuals and groups to enjoy as well as where silent retreats, Art of Peace and a variety of other events are held.
The Pain Buddy (therapeutic doll) is used as a tool so that people learn to handle feelings with kindness.
For more information see http://www.painbuddies.com/ and http://www.handlewithkindness.com/
No comments:
Post a Comment