Questioning Marriage

What are the signs of a broken heart?
How do I know when we've fallen apart
I don't want this feeling to ever go,
how do I go about holding on and letting my feelings show.
I've cried over the phone,
held my face to let the tears hit my hands
I want to make the most out of this love if I can.
Trying to love is a job,
I can't figure out if I want it as a career
because everytime I try to move along I get the urge to look in my rear.
Why can't I let go of the past and the things that you've done
I know that you've changed but my heart is numb
it won't allow me to move forward and become free
of all the pain and broken promises you've distributed to me.
So what will it take to let all that go?
If I can't let it go where will this go?
Will I continue to snap when you want to go to the store,
will I continue to think that your out creeping with that whore,
will I go on late night spree's searching for you at her door,
all this pain in the pass I had to endure,
makes me think can I be with you anymore...
I don't want this to end,
I know you've turned your life around for the better,
you've kept me secure, warm in this world you are my sweater
I just hope one day my mind can get over these devilish ways you used to exculate
and focus my mind on the beautiful wedding we have planned in a day.
Is this too soon to accept his hand in marriage
will I think back and later regret this?
We're both 39 no use is wasting more time,
I hope this is right because this is my last night,
tomorrow I'm pronouncing myself un-single
and all though it sounds right I hope it feels good
God I'm praying for you to stand by us so we can do as we should
Hoping the lust and temptations won't steer us in the wrong direction
because this real love we have is almost perfection
a few smears and smudged but I put no one above this
and if I could rearrange the pieces I wouldn't because you're where my heart is,
so should I stop questioning what's obviously meant to be,
and if is doesn't work out at least I know divorce will set me free.

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